woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
