i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
