I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
