I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
