We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
