i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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