My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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