"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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