we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And then my night got REAL pukey
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
