I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
