i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
being pregnant is like rehab
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
