office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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