one two three fourrrrnication!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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