yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
