The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
