I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
