is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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