Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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