her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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