i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sacagawea was the original milf.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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