I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's great music for shaving your balls
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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