normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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