yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
