I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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