Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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