Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
