And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
