I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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