I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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