dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
