we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I AM VODKA MAN
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
