i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
