I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
