i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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