so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
