Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
