Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
