im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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