This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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