I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
