You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
is wine microwaveable?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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