lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
