He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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