Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
