The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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