she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
