it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
