He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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