This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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