I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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