I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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