Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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