My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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