well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
