This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
