Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
