I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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