from now on my penis is your penis
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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