Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
