I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
