remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
