I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
