He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
