Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
