At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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