I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
