She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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