i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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