My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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