3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
