so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
