Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
