so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
