I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
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so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
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Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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