he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
