so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
