I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
